On this day in 1978, the very first unsolicited commercial email, or UCE, was sent by Digital Equipment Corporation to hundreds (that was so the old days) of users of the Arpanet, the forerunner to the Internet.

In that one moment was born a whole new industry and way of life for millions of Americans. Thirty years later, business men and women build entire businesses based entirely on UCE, providing all of us (repeatedly) with many valuable offers and opportunities and generally enhancing life on-line. Indeed, UCE is now widely regarded as a venerable American tradition.

By the mid 90’s UCE came to be known as Spam, likely in reference to a Monty Python skit that featured another hugely successful American innovation — the canned meat product of that name created and marketed by Hormel.

It is only fitting then that on this anniversary of the birth of email spam, that Hormel should honor their on-line namesake with the appointment of an Internet spokesperson. Though no official announcement has been made, this reporter has learned through reliable sources that this new cyber delegate is to be none other than the “UCE poster boy” himself, Jerry West.

While Mr. West would neither confirm nor deny this “rumor” [wink, wink], he did say, speaking entirely hypothetically, “Since I’m the one that put the meat into email marketing, I figure I’m the perfect man for the job. I’m thrilled at the marriage of these two great American traditions, one in a can and the other on-line”.

When asked about the objections that some few, but highly vocal, users on the Internet have toward SPAM, Mr West pointed out that UCE is officially sanctioned in US law by the CAN-SPAM act, “I mean, if Spam was bad, they would have named it the CANT-SPAM act, right?” — a great example of the sort of insightful analysis Mr. West is best known for.

Sister Leslie Rohde, noted SEO evangelist and long time nemesis of Mr. West’s, had this to say of the announcement "I’m all for this new alliance. By far the best way to improve search results is to get Jerry to spend more time on email." Several other residents of the Google rectory, interviewed on the condition of anonymity, were also very excited at the news, describing it as “a sign of divine providence”.

Regrettably, repeated attempts to contact Hormel via email in regards to this story were unsuccessful, and ultimately resulted in a Spam complaint against the author.